Tag: Sex

Half on a Baby

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A few weeks ago, a friend text me.  “How do I tell the truth without sounding judgmental or super saved?”

“What happened?” I replied.

“One of my friends is considering getting pregnant because she wants to have a baby before 30.  She’s not married. I’m just like you want God to bless you to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy but you want to go out of his will to get it.” She stated.

The conversation continued with us both first acknowledging that neither of us have been perfect on this single journey. However, one thing that we have both learned is that when you want God to come in your situation, you have to also be willing to live by his standards.

As Christian women, we are quick to pray to God to bring that God-fearing, albeit, super attractive, husband in our lives.  We want a one-size fits all solution -send us a man QUICKLY and we’ll be good to go!

That is NOT the case.  While it is very easy to ask for God to come in our situations and change them, the challenging part is truly giving it all to God even if He doesn’t respond to us the way we want Him to. Ouch huh? As I’m writing this, I find myself laughing when I think about the err of my own Christian ways.  When I was younger, I thought that I was surrendering all to God.  Then, when things didn’t go my way, I’d take back control over the very thing I had given to God.

This is equally true for many people out there.  We tend to put God on these spiritual deadlines.  Lord, I’m going to wait for you to send me a man. Three weeks later, we’re swiping right or left, pulling out the freakum dress or scrolling through our phone’s contact list, contemplating if we should reach out to our ex or the guy we specifically saved as “Don’t Answer” because we know he only wants one thing.  Ladies that is NOT the definition of surrender.

By definition, surrender means to “agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc. because you know you will not win; to give the control or use of something to someone else.”  Total surrender to God means giving God ALL of your situation no matter what the outcome may be because you know that without God, you will not be successful by your own measures. John 15:5 (NIV) says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Without God in our lives and in our situations, we can do absolutely nothing.  All things are made possible because of Him! (Matthew 19:26).

The young lady above had done what many of you (and I) do daily. She put God on a deadline. In all actuality, she gave God an ultimatum.  Lord I’m going to trust you up and until I reach the age of 30 and if you haven’t made things happen in my life by then, I’m going to take back control and create my family myself.

How many of you can relate to this?

Maybe it’s not having a baby but maybe it’s something else.  Maybe it’s just the act of making a baby J. “Lord I’m going to remain celibate to you until you send me the man you want.” That was my commitment. And I must admit that when I initially made that commitment, I did it EXPECTING God to deliver a man wrapped in a bow in a year or two. Honey let me tell you, I am STILL waiting haha.  And it has been some YEARS now (pray saints! Haha).  While it has been very challenging, I have not compromised (much) while I’m waiting. (Still a work in progress over here J.)

And still, maybe it’s not sex for you. Maybe it’s something else.  However, no matter what it may be, do not get discouraged on this journey. I know the world will have you think your clock is ticking but remember that with God all things are possible.  Learn to truly surrender your situations COMPLETELY to Him and remain patient in your waiting. Your very best husband can only be hand-picked by our very best Creator. And He wants to make sure that he is just right for you! J

 “All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Him, I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him. In his presence daily live. I surrender all.”

-Videllia

“Closure” is Overrated!

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“Closure is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are too afraid to let go” ~V.Davis

So the year was 2015 and I ended a situation with a guy.  Discovered he had a whole relationship going on with someone else (smh lol).  I called my cousin to tell her what happened and she asked me did I get a chance to ask him the questions that I wanted? Did I get a chance to get closure?

Sure I wanted to know how long he had been with her, when did it start, why did he start talking to me in the first place, and why didn’t he respect me or her but what good would any of those answers do?  It wouldn’t change the fact that he was with her right now, in this very moment.

So I told my cousin the following statement:  “closure” is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are still too afraid to let something or someone go.

closure 3

And I wasn’t afraid.  Over the years, I had learned my true value, worth and identity in Christ.  Therefore, I loved myself more than I liked this guy so I chose to end it.  (That and the fact that I didn’t need any other woman trying to come attack me because her man was being trifling lol).  I  mean yeah I had a ton of “what-ifs” and “how-could-you-do-this-to-me” type of questions but the answers to those questions wouldn’t change the fact that I still needed to end it (lest I lived life as a side chick and I am far too worthy to be anyone’s side chick! If you didn’t know, you better ask somebody!).

You see, I don’t allow myself (anymore) to get caught up in this idea of “closure”.  I’ve taught myself how to let go of people and things without feeling the need to go through this arbitrary process that will still only leave me clinging and holding on to something/someone who isn’t good for me.

I mean think about it. How many people do you know have ended something with someone and they are like I need closure? And so to get that closure, they go to great lengths to try to see that person one more time or call them one more time.  Child please!  The only thing that seeing or talking to that person one more time does is just create more questions for you.

Continue reading ““Closure” is Overrated!” →

Repeat Offender

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I’m 27. Single. Woman of God. Believer in the Christian faith. But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!

(courtesy of Google)
(courtesy of Google)

When I was trying to think about what to write about this week, I knew that I didn’t want to write about anything too serious. I’ve been in a happy, good, silly, fun mood this week, so I decided it was time to share another one of my silly, crazy dating stories that happened this year. So here goes (haha)…

At the end of 2014, I ran into this gentleman. I was coming out of a building and he was going in. He literally stopped me in my tracks and told me how beautiful he thought I was.

Well isn’t that refreshing? I thought to myself. He didn’t make any sexual innuendos about my lips as big and full as they care, didn’t call me shawty, baby, or any of those other ridiculous names men feel way too comfortable calling women they barely met. He actually seems like a gentleman.

He proceeded to ask me if I was single for which I told him yes. So he asked could he get my number so he could take me out sometime. Why not?. I thought.

I gave him my number and went on about my day. Later that night he hit me up. It actually caught me off guard. I’m used to men waiting a little while before hitting me up but hey, maybe he’s just a man who knows what he wants! So I didn’t let it bother me and continued to go with the flow.

He asked to take me to dinner. I said, when. He said tonight. I told him I had plans that night already (had church). So he was willing to take a rain check.

In the days to follow, our conversations become more relationship-focused than getting to know each other. He was a little older than me (33 vs my 27) and he seemed to be ready to settle down and was looking for a wife, like NOW. Now that’s all fine and dandy – I too want to get married one day-but in the first week that I meet you?! Surely, you can’t possibly know I’m the one that soon?!

Idk. Maybe he felt some kind of way. I don’t know. All I know is all this wedding talk and wanting me to be his woman and stuff after only one week had me feeling like he and I weren’t on the same page at all. I’m the kind of woman who wants to take my time and get to know you first. I’ve made too many relationship mistakes where I rushed into things. I don’t want to rush anymore. But he was adamant about us being an “item” about us being a couple.  I’m like slow down bruh, I’ve only known you for a week! So I politely told him that I think we are in 2 different places in life and perhaps I’m not what he’s looking for now.

I deleted his number after that and kept it moving…

Continue reading “Repeat Offender” →

“Crazy Eddie” The Final Chapter

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I’m 27. Single. Woman of God.  Believer in the Christian faith.  But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!

If you’ve been following my blog these past few weeks, then you have already heard about Crazy Eddie.  (If you missed Parts 1, 2 and 3, catch up here).

So, the next day is officially Valentine’s Day.  I’m talking to my homegirl on the phone as I drive to work, telling her all about Crazy Eddie and how he must’ve finally gotten the point because I hadn’t heard from him.

I pull into the parking lot, turn my car off and tell my girl bye.  Next thing you know my whistle tone goes off signaling I have a new text message. Hmm. It’s 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning, who could this be?

I open up the phone and it’s none other than “Crazy Eddie”.  He sends me a picture of his chest all oily and what not and the picture is framed in a Valentine’s day border with the words, “Be My Valentine” on the bottom of it…

You know what…I’m going to do something different.  Instead of me telling this story, I’m actually just going to post screenshots of our text conversation that  morning right here lol.  This way you can see the crazy ish I deal with on a regular. I’ll blur out the pictures because I’m a nice person, plus, as the conversation goes on, the pictures change from PG to Rated R.   Are you ready? Haha. Here it goes.. Continue reading ““Crazy Eddie” The Final Chapter” →

Future Husband or Nah – Part 3 (“Crazy Eddie”)

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I’m 27. Single. Woman of God.  Believer in the Christian faith.  But the men I meet? Boy oh boy.

or nahIf you’ve been following my blog these past few weeks, then you have already heard about Crazy Eddie.  (If you missed Parts 1 and 2, catch up here).

So the next day, I’m at church when I get a text message.  Who was it from? Yep, you guessed it. None other than Crazy Eddie.  He tells me he wants to take me shopping (what is it with this dude and thinking I need him to spend money on me?).  I decline.  Then, since it was the Superbowl, Eddie  invites me to watch the game with him. However, he invited me to  the strip club to watch it  (WTHeck dude? I already said no to sex, no to you sending me pics of your chest, but you really gone think I’mma want to go to a strip club with you? Smh). Continue reading “Future Husband or Nah – Part 3 (“Crazy Eddie”)” →

Future Husband or Nah? (Part 2 of Crazy Eddie)

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I’m 27. Single. Woman of God.  Believer in the Christian faith.  But the men I meet? Boy oh boy.

or nahSo, last week I introduced you all to Eddie.  (If you missed it, catch up here).

So, the next morning, Eddie sends me a text asking to meet up for breakfast and lunch and to take me shopping. (First, of all, I already told you I have to work and then have church, did you not listen to me?)  But instead of being mean, I simply thanked him for his offer, told him I had commitments during the day and that while I appreciate the offer to go shopping, I’m not the kind of woman that’s checking for his money.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy being spoiled from time to time, but dating is an investment.  You just met me and you should want to get to know me to see if I’m even worth spending money on.  That’s how I feel.  I know a lot of men come into contact with what they call “gold-diggers” and women who are just after coins, but me? I want a man to make love to my mind. I want a man who will pull out his Bible and spoil me with scriptures of God’s word not just spoil me with physical gifts (shrugs). Continue reading “Future Husband or Nah? (Part 2 of Crazy Eddie)” →