Single Sistah Masterclass + FREE GIVEAWAY!

Ever asked God why are you single?

 

Hey Single Queens!!!

I’m super excited to introduce you all to a new feature coming to my website this month. Each month I will post a Single Sistah Podcast with motivational topics for all of my single ladies!!! To kick off this new feature, I will be hosting a FREE Masterclass for all of my single ladies and will also be giving away some incredible items.

Join me on IG live Monday, April 2nd at 8pm CST where we will talk all about single lady-ish. For 30-40 minutes, we will talk about what it means to be single in 2018 and I’ll share some practical tips with you on how to enjoy the single life. I’ll also give you a preview of some upcoming topics. Register below to receive your reminder email AND to enter for your chance at winning my:

1) My newly designed Single t-shirt for those waiting on God’s best!
2) The “Boundaries in Dating” book by John Townsend (4.5/5 stars!)

You have to register and attend the class to be entered in the drawing. If you can’t attend, come back to my website immediately after to watch the playback. Included in the playback will be instructions for you on how you can still be eligible to win if you didn’t get a chance to attend.

Good luck and share with a friend!

~Videllia

 

 

 

Dating…Not So Fast

In April 2016, I decided to take a no-dating fast since my friends were all concerned about my love life, or rather, lack thereof.

“You just don’t seem as excited about love anymore.”

“We’re concerned that you’ve gotten too comfortable being single. Don’t you still want to get married one day?”

While my friends meant well, they were actually pretty annoying (still love y’all!). I had finally gotten to a place in life where I was content dating Videllia. Who cares if I wasn’t actively searching for love anymore? I no longer spent my Friday nights worried about what “he” was doing, who “he” was with, or if “he” was thinking about me. I now only worried about what happy hour spot to visit, what to wear and how to do my hair. I was falling in love with Videllia – the one person I had neglected loving through all of my years of dating.

Still, my friends saw a shift in my attitude. But so what? I was tired of making poor choices in men only to have to constantly pick up the pieces of my heart.

 So, asking God to reveal anything within me that needed deliverance, I began my no-dating fast.

Isn’t it amazing how God will knock you off of your high horse to reveal that you are still the same broken and fragile person who needs him more than ever? In my devotional, “Pray While You Prey for Singles Part III,” the author wrote that she was no longer confident in her ability to choose a good man. She constantly feared that she would find herself in another situation where she was heartbroken so she didn’t put herself in a position to “choose” – she wouldn’t date. She had given herself so much power to make the decisions for her dating life that she had become paralyzed by her own fear.

How could it be that this woman knew EXACTLY how I felt? Sure, I’ve been smiling brighter and more boldly on the outside but when I got in bed each night, the tears still flowed.  The desire to be desired still existed.  The longing to be held and share my life with someone was still prevalent. I was content in being single – that much was true. However, what I didn’t realize, was that I had become paralyzed in my own contentment.

I had taken myself off of the dating scene not just because I wanted to be whole in Christ but because I was AFRAID TO DATE.

Afraid of being hurt and choosing another man who would hurt me and I worked too darn hard to heal from my past struggles to risk going through it again.

And that’s when it hit me. All of that power should not be placed on a man to fill my heart or on me to choose the right man. Instead, that power should have been given to God.

Does this sound like you? Perhaps, you have also become paralyzed by your own fear of making another “wrong” decision. Today, I want to encourage you to give that power of choice back to God.  That responsibility is too great for our sinful, fleshly natures to handle alone.  It is God that will bring you healing, restore your confidence and deliver that man for you.

You can’t allow your fear of being hurt to paralyze and cripple you into never stepping back out there.  Release it all to God and watch how he comes in and protects you on your single journey.

For my protection, God has allowed certain men to walk out of my life when I wanted them to stay because he knew they would be toxic for me. In hindsight, He was absolutely right! (Can I get an AMEN for closed doors?!)

Our God will do the same for you. Once you release all power to him, he will not only guide you through your singleness but he will protect your heart as well.

That is why it’s imperative that we make Christ the center of our hearts so that a man must seek HIM first in order to find us!

Let me pray for you…

“Lord we relinquish and release all power to you. Only you know what’s best for us. You know the desires of our hearts and only you can bless us with an exceeding and abundant overflow of love. Help us not to be paralyzed by our own fears anymore. Amen.”

-Videllia

One and Only

Can I be your one and only?

The one you can always depend on.

I’ll be your number one cheerleader,

From sundown to breaking dawn.

 

Can I be your one and only?

The one you long for.

Whenever you’re feeling lonely,

Baby I’ll come – look I’m here – knocking at your door.

 

Can I be your one and only?

The one that relieves all your stress.

A massage? Dinner? No problem!

I’ll do my very best.

 

Can I be your one and only?

Even when you’re miles away.

Your morning, noon and night;

The brightest part of all your days.

 

Can I be your one and only?

The one you are proud to show your friends.

And who you know in your heart,

Will be your ride or die until the end.

 

Can I be your one and only?

Your one true queen.

Treating you with the respect and love you deserve,

Fitting for you, my King.

 

Can I be your one and only?

Wait, I think it finally hit me.

More than anything I now know that

I just want to be your one and only.

 

© Videllia Davis, 2016

“Closure” is Overrated!

“Closure is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are too afraid to let go” ~V.Davis

So the year was 2015 and I ended a situation with a guy.  Discovered he had a whole relationship going on with someone else (smh lol).  I called my cousin to tell her what happened and she asked me did I get a chance to ask him the questions that I wanted? Did I get a chance to get closure?

Sure I wanted to know how long he had been with her, when did it start, why did he start talking to me in the first place, and why didn’t he respect me or her but what good would any of those answers do?  It wouldn’t change the fact that he was with her right now, in this very moment.

So I told my cousin the following statement:  “closure” is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are still too afraid to let something or someone go.

closure 3

And I wasn’t afraid.  Over the years, I had learned my true value, worth and identity in Christ.  Therefore, I loved myself more than I liked this guy so I chose to end it.  (That and the fact that I didn’t need any other woman trying to come attack me because her man was being trifling lol).  I  mean yeah I had a ton of “what-ifs” and “how-could-you-do-this-to-me” type of questions but the answers to those questions wouldn’t change the fact that I still needed to end it (lest I lived life as a side chick and I am far too worthy to be anyone’s side chick! If you didn’t know, you better ask somebody!).

You see, I don’t allow myself (anymore) to get caught up in this idea of “closure”.  I’ve taught myself how to let go of people and things without feeling the need to go through this arbitrary process that will still only leave me clinging and holding on to something/someone who isn’t good for me.

I mean think about it. How many people do you know have ended something with someone and they are like I need closure? And so to get that closure, they go to great lengths to try to see that person one more time or call them one more time.  Child please!  The only thing that seeing or talking to that person one more time does is just create more questions for you.

Continue reading ““Closure” is Overrated!”

Repeat Offender

I’m 27. Single. Woman of God. Believer in the Christian faith. But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!

(courtesy of Google)
(courtesy of Google)

When I was trying to think about what to write about this week, I knew that I didn’t want to write about anything too serious. I’ve been in a happy, good, silly, fun mood this week, so I decided it was time to share another one of my silly, crazy dating stories that happened this year. So here goes (haha)…

At the end of 2014, I ran into this gentleman. I was coming out of a building and he was going in. He literally stopped me in my tracks and told me how beautiful he thought I was.

Well isn’t that refreshing? I thought to myself. He didn’t make any sexual innuendos about my lips as big and full as they care, didn’t call me shawty, baby, or any of those other ridiculous names men feel way too comfortable calling women they barely met. He actually seems like a gentleman.

He proceeded to ask me if I was single for which I told him yes. So he asked could he get my number so he could take me out sometime. Why not?. I thought.

I gave him my number and went on about my day. Later that night he hit me up. It actually caught me off guard. I’m used to men waiting a little while before hitting me up but hey, maybe he’s just a man who knows what he wants! So I didn’t let it bother me and continued to go with the flow.

He asked to take me to dinner. I said, when. He said tonight. I told him I had plans that night already (had church). So he was willing to take a rain check.

In the days to follow, our conversations become more relationship-focused than getting to know each other. He was a little older than me (33 vs my 27) and he seemed to be ready to settle down and was looking for a wife, like NOW. Now that’s all fine and dandy – I too want to get married one day-but in the first week that I meet you?! Surely, you can’t possibly know I’m the one that soon?!

Idk. Maybe he felt some kind of way. I don’t know. All I know is all this wedding talk and wanting me to be his woman and stuff after only one week had me feeling like he and I weren’t on the same page at all. I’m the kind of woman who wants to take my time and get to know you first. I’ve made too many relationship mistakes where I rushed into things. I don’t want to rush anymore. But he was adamant about us being an “item” about us being a couple.  I’m like slow down bruh, I’ve only known you for a week! So I politely told him that I think we are in 2 different places in life and perhaps I’m not what he’s looking for now.

I deleted his number after that and kept it moving…

Continue reading “Repeat Offender”

“Crazy Eddie” The Final Chapter

I’m 27. Single. Woman of God.  Believer in the Christian faith.  But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!

If you’ve been following my blog these past few weeks, then you have already heard about Crazy Eddie.  (If you missed Parts 1, 2 and 3, catch up here).

So, the next day is officially Valentine’s Day.  I’m talking to my homegirl on the phone as I drive to work, telling her all about Crazy Eddie and how he must’ve finally gotten the point because I hadn’t heard from him.

I pull into the parking lot, turn my car off and tell my girl bye.  Next thing you know my whistle tone goes off signaling I have a new text message. Hmm. It’s 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning, who could this be?

I open up the phone and it’s none other than “Crazy Eddie”.  He sends me a picture of his chest all oily and what not and the picture is framed in a Valentine’s day border with the words, “Be My Valentine” on the bottom of it…

You know what…I’m going to do something different.  Instead of me telling this story, I’m actually just going to post screenshots of our text conversation that  morning right here lol.  This way you can see the crazy ish I deal with on a regular. I’ll blur out the pictures because I’m a nice person, plus, as the conversation goes on, the pictures change from PG to Rated R.   Are you ready? Haha. Here it goes.. Continue reading ““Crazy Eddie” The Final Chapter”