3 Toxic Statements to Stop Saying to Our Women

Hey loves! Today we are talking about a few toxic statements that men say to and about women. Let’s get right into it.

You’re too emotional.

Women hate this. Like, H-A-T-E this. Saying a woman is too emotional makes her feel like her emotions and thoughts  don’t matter or like you are trying to diminish her feelings. Don’t be so quick to write her or her feelings off. Even if you don’t agree with her emotions, try hearing her out and seek to understand how she feels. 

If you love me, you will…

Stop using love to manipulate women into doing things you want them to do. Yes, love requires sacrifice and compromise (in a healthy relationship) but trying to convince a woman to do things she doesn’t want to do in the name of love is not only toxic but it’s manipulative, selfish and controlling. If you find that you all don’t share the same values, then move on and find someone who does. However, do not try to manipulate her into getting your way by appealing to her heart strings. This ain’t Burger King so you don’t always get to have it your way.

All women are the same.

Fellas be careful not to classify all women into one category. Just like you don’t want to be lumped into one category, neither do our women. Stop assuming they are like your ex or the last woman that hurt you. More importantly, if you really believe all women are the same, why do you keep dating them?

3 Toxic Statements to Stop Saying to Our Men

Hey loves! Today we are talking aboit a few toxic statements that women say to and about men. Let’s get right into it.

You’re not a real man unless you…

Women are quick to base a man’s manhood on some kind of conditional statement. You’re not a real man unless you make XX amount of money. You’re not a real man unless you pay all my bills. And so forth. STOP IT! A man’s worth, value and identity as a real man is not based on your conditions but God’s conditions. Learn the power of your tongue and be careful of the words you say to your man.

All men are dogs.

Ladies be careful not to classify all men into one category. Just like you don’t want to be lumped into one category, neither do our men. Stop assuming they are like your ex and if you really believe all men are dogs, why do you keep dating them?

Man up!

Whether you are referring to them showing emotion or something else, this is a sure way to diminish and belittle that man. We have to move away from this stigma that men can’t show emotion or that any sign of emotion is considered a weakness. That is why we have so many depressed men, etc. because our society doesn’t encourage men to express themselves or when they do, we call them “weak”. Imagine how different this world could be if men could truly be vulnerable without fear.

I Have Lupus, Lupus Doesnt Have Me

I’m back! Yes, I know, it’s been a long time but whew! I have been battling a lot over the past few months.I went through a breakup, was diagnosed with Lupus, bought a house, suffered hair loss and lonliness, was in a car accident and truly battled depression for the first time in my life.But now, I feel much better about life and much more in control over my circumstances. However, I know that others are out there facing struggles as well and so because of that I want to share my story with you. You are not alone and I pray God continues to strengthen and encourage you on your own journey.

Imperfectly Perfect

This blog is for any person out there who struggles with perfectionism and forgiving of themselves like me! It’s time for us to hang up our perfectionista hats and embrace the grace that God so freely gives us!

Hey loves! As you all know I have been sharing with you all that over the past few months that I was struggling with a lot emotionally. One of those things I struggled with was, in fact, perfectionism. I have struggled with perfectionism for AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER! From an early age, I remember wanting to be the BEST of the BEST and as a result, I pushed myself hard and scolded myself over my failures even harder!

To some extent, this worked out in my favor. I won my 4th grade spelling bee and was valedictorian of my 6th grade class. I also went on to become the Valedictorian of my high school class which allowed me to receive numerous scholarships from the University of Texas at Austin, the state of Texas as well as Coca-Cola. That allowed me to go to college for 4 years on a full ride! I was the first in my family to successfully attend and graduate from college. I went even further to obtain my Masters degree in professional accounting and also later got certified as a public accountant (CPA).

However, as much success that I got to experience, there were also many failures along the way. I lost my virginity, got engaged and then had to call off my engagement, ended up in abusive relationships, ended up in controlling relationships and more. And every single time I went through a season of failure, I would be sooo hard on myself, saying things like:

“You were raised in the church, how dare you lose your virginity?! You know better!”

“Because you lost your virginity, look, now you have to call of your engagement. God is punishing you. This is exactly what you deserve!”

“If you weren’t so insecure, you would stop dating these controlling and abusive men. What is wrong with you?!”

Let’s be honest – most of us are our own worst critics and we beat ourselves up so much over our past mistakes. For me, I felt like because I was raised in the church, I KNEW better. And because I KNEW better, God was calling me to BE better. And if I failed, my punishment and the consequences of my sins would be MUCH WORSE than anybody else because I am not allowed to make mistakes. Susie can sleep around all she wants to. Not me. Paul can do whatever he wants to. Not me. Nope. Not Videllia. There was no way God would forgive me of my sins because I knew better. I was supposed to be perfect.

Ugh! Let me tell you all that perfectionism has almost been the death of me. The constant need to be perfect and to live a perfect life has weighed on me for far too long! Faarrr tooo long. It has caused a lot of anxiety and stress among other health issues.  Even in the current season I’m in, I found myself struggling with perfectionism again.

But you know what I’m learning now (at 30) that I hope will encourage another Pefectionista out there?! I’m learning and truly believing that no one is perfect. Hell we would never be perfect no matter how hard we tried. And you know what– that is okay! One of my friends told me to stop thinking that my sins are bigger than God. There is enough BLOOD for that. In other words, God sent his son Jesus to die for our sins and he shed his blood so that we could be free from the bondage of sin. That means he shed enough blood for you AND he shed enough blood for me. There’s enough BLOOD to cover all of our sins equally!!!! Can I get an amen?!

I am so thankful that my eyes are now opened and that I realize that striving to be better is okay but allowing the spirit of perfectionism to govern my life is NOT okay. That means I’m putting too much power and giving too much power to ME. In essence, I’ve idolized myself so much that I put my own self on a pedestal and that is NEVER okay in God’s eyes. The Bible says we can do all things THROUGH Christ who strengthens us. That means we cannot make it through this world on our own. No matter what we do ourselves, we will never be able to achieve that perfection we so desperately want to obtain. NEVER! We have to learn to rely on God’s strength to help us get through those failures in life. And we have to learn to walk in the forgiveness that he gives us through the shedding of his blood for the remission of our sins.

God wants us to live a life free of sin, shame and yes, even perfectionism. The question is will you choose to accept that its okay not being perfect and learn to rely on a PERFECT God to cover all of your imperfections and turn them around to work in your favor? I hope that we all do because a freed life is so much better than constantly beating ourselves up for not being perfect…

~Videllia

Copyright © 2018 Videllia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Single Sistah Masterclass + FREE GIVEAWAY!

Ever asked God why are you single?

 

Hey Single Queens!!!

I’m super excited to introduce you all to a new feature coming to my website this month. Each month I will post a Single Sistah Podcast with motivational topics for all of my single ladies!!! To kick off this new feature, I will be hosting a FREE Masterclass for all of my single ladies and will also be giving away some incredible items.

Join me on IG live Monday, April 2nd at 8pm CST where we will talk all about single lady-ish. For 30-40 minutes, we will talk about what it means to be single in 2018 and I’ll share some practical tips with you on how to enjoy the single life. I’ll also give you a preview of some upcoming topics. Register below to receive your reminder email AND to enter for your chance at winning my:

1) My newly designed Single t-shirt for those waiting on God’s best!
2) The “Boundaries in Dating” book by John Townsend (4.5/5 stars!)

You have to register and attend the class to be entered in the drawing. If you can’t attend, come back to my website immediately after to watch the playback. Included in the playback will be instructions for you on how you can still be eligible to win if you didn’t get a chance to attend.

Good luck and share with a friend!

~Videllia

 

 

 

Hey sis – lift your head up!

Whew! I don’t know about you but it’s been a rough few weeks for me. My life has been going on a roller coaster ride for awhile now and I’m so ready to get off! Because of everything I have going on this way, I just haven’t been that inspired to blog lately. It just seems like all of my energy has been put into dealing with life’s up’s and down’s that I’m literally drained at the end of it all.

Have you ever felt like that? Like life has just gotten so challenging that you don’t know where else to turn or who else to talk to? 

Yeah I’ve been there too. And I’ve noticed that a lot of my followers are there as well. I know a lot of you are going through a lot in life right now. Many of you have either reached out to me personally or I’ve seen posted on your pages the trials and tribulations that your own roller coaster life is presenting you with. I’ve seen some of you who are in the hospital or have loved ones in the hospital fighting for their lives. I know others who have survived terrible car accidents or lost someone in a recent car accident. And still I know others of you who are fighting for your lives as you’ve reached out to me for help with an abusive relationship that you’re in. 

Life can be tough and it shows no favoritism with respect to the punches and blows it hands out. So I just wanted to share this blog with all of you – with myself – of some of my favorite quotes and scriptures that help me get through a tough time. These are helping me get through this rough season as well and have helped me to find my way back to blogging as I know that’s what God would want me to do – even in the midst of the difficulties I’m facing.

I know this is different from what I usually post but I believe it’s important that we all take a step back to make sure our mental and emotional state of being are just as healthy as other aspects of our lives. My hope is that these quotes/scriptures will give you the encouragement to lift your head up as you face the challenges life is presenting your way. You got this sis! Though it feels like this challenging season is long, be confident in knowing that troubles don’t last always and your joy will come in the morning!

Scriptures of encouragement

Galatians 6:9:  “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10: “Each time he said, My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.:

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9: “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”

Psalm 46:5a: “God is within her, she will not fall.”

Hebrews 13:5b: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Quotes of encouragement

“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”

“The moment you’re ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle/blessing happens. DON’T GIVE UP.”

“No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready.”

“Stay patient and trust your journey.”

“I am blessed by the BEST so I don’t worry about the rest.”

“Every storm in your life is followed by a rainbow.”

“When life gets hard, remind yourself that diamonds are made under pressure. And you, my dear, are a DIAMOND!”

Now this isn’t an all-inclusive list by any means but it is a list of some of my favorites that have really helped encourage me through tough times.

Do you have a favorite scripture or quote that you rely on to get you through? If so, drop a comment below and let me know! Together let’s encourage one another!

~Videllia