3 Toxic Statements to Stop Saying to Our Women

Hey loves! Today we are talking about a few toxic statements that men say to and about women. Let’s get right into it.

You’re too emotional.

Women hate this. Like, H-A-T-E this. Saying a woman is too emotional makes her feel like her emotions and thoughts  don’t matter or like you are trying to diminish her feelings. Don’t be so quick to write her or her feelings off. Even if you don’t agree with her emotions, try hearing her out and seek to understand how she feels. 

If you love me, you will…

Stop using love to manipulate women into doing things you want them to do. Yes, love requires sacrifice and compromise (in a healthy relationship) but trying to convince a woman to do things she doesn’t want to do in the name of love is not only toxic but it’s manipulative, selfish and controlling. If you find that you all don’t share the same values, then move on and find someone who does. However, do not try to manipulate her into getting your way by appealing to her heart strings. This ain’t Burger King so you don’t always get to have it your way.

All women are the same.

Fellas be careful not to classify all women into one category. Just like you don’t want to be lumped into one category, neither do our women. Stop assuming they are like your ex or the last woman that hurt you. More importantly, if you really believe all women are the same, why do you keep dating them?

3 Toxic Statements to Stop Saying to Our Men

Hey loves! Today we are talking aboit a few toxic statements that women say to and about men. Let’s get right into it.

You’re not a real man unless you…

Women are quick to base a man’s manhood on some kind of conditional statement. You’re not a real man unless you make XX amount of money. You’re not a real man unless you pay all my bills. And so forth. STOP IT! A man’s worth, value and identity as a real man is not based on your conditions but God’s conditions. Learn the power of your tongue and be careful of the words you say to your man.

All men are dogs.

Ladies be careful not to classify all men into one category. Just like you don’t want to be lumped into one category, neither do our men. Stop assuming they are like your ex and if you really believe all men are dogs, why do you keep dating them?

Man up!

Whether you are referring to them showing emotion or something else, this is a sure way to diminish and belittle that man. We have to move away from this stigma that men can’t show emotion or that any sign of emotion is considered a weakness. That is why we have so many depressed men, etc. because our society doesn’t encourage men to express themselves or when they do, we call them “weak”. Imagine how different this world could be if men could truly be vulnerable without fear.

Episode 1: “Nicki Minaj – Gospel Artist?”

Hey loves!

I’m baaacckkkk!!! It’s Videllia here and I’m super excited to FINALLY begin my podcast channel! I’m hoping that by introducing a podcast format for some of my blogs, it will provide you all with a different communication medium in which to listen and interact with me.  And if you like it and want to hear more podcasts or possibly see some Vlogs from me  be sure to let me know!!!

Today’s podcast is called, “Nicki Minaj – Gospel Artist” and I will be sharing my thoughts on the new song “I’m Getting Ready” – a gospel song which features Nicki Minaj.

Click here to listen to the podcast or you can just read the full post below.


Let’s get started…

The other day as my boyfriend and I were in my house getting ready to go to a baseball game, Tasha Cobbs’ new gospel song, “I’m Getting Ready” featuring Nicki Minaj began to play on the speaker.

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(Pic courtesy of Google Images)

I had already seen different memes and comments on social media that Nicki Minaj was on a gospel track and like so many of you, I just didn’t know how I would feel.  I like a few of Nicki Minaj’s songs but mixing the two – secular and gospel – together? Yeah…the Christian in me just couldn’t get with the idea at all.

Ignoring my preconceived notions, I continued to listen to the track as my boyfriend and I engaged in a healthy debate over it.  However, as it was playing, I felt a different twinge in my spirit.  One I knew all too well.  The one where God speaks the truth to my own poor ratchet soul. And you know what I heard?

“WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE?”

I want to challenge you all with that same question – who are YOU to judge? You see, it’s very easy for religious people (not just Christians) to be quick to judge something or someone who doesn’t appear on the outside the way we think God would want.  We think that just because Nicki sings secular music for a living that she somehow doesn’t know Jesus or rather – can’t express herself to Christ.  If you believe this for one second, then you sir or ma’am are doing something that God tells us we ought not to do. You are judging this woman and her walk with Christ.

Matthew 7:1-3 from the NIV states, “do not judge or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye.”  Now flip it on over to John 8:7 part B where it also says, “he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone”.

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Tasha Cobbs (pic courtesy of Black Christian News Network)

It is NOT our place to tell Nicki she can’t sing gospel or to tell Tasha that she can’t have a secular artist on her record.  While I understand the confusion this causes in terms of spirituality, especially when trying to bring people closer to Christ, at the end of the day, Nicki’s sins – whatever they are – are no greater or less than my sins which are no greater or less than your sins.  The Bible literally tells us the measure by which we judge others is the same measure by which we will be held accountable.

Think about it.  Have you not taken your sinful self to church one Sunday morning singing praises to God when just last night you were out with God knows who doing God knows what?  So what does that say about you? The same concerns you have about Nicki being on a gospel track are the same concerns you should have about your own hot-and-cold, lukewarm, straddling the fence type self? Isn’t is funny how quickly we forget our own sins?

This post was not to bash Nicki.  And it’s also not to bash the many religious people out there who stand by their own convictions in wanting a clear distinct line between secular and spiritual.  HOWEVER, this post is meant to encourage you all to stop thinking like the sinful creatures we all are and to start thinking like our heavenly Father intended.

Jesus had to check me REAL quick. Like I said, before even hearing the song I just knew that I wasn’t going to agree but after hearing it and letting GOD speak to my heart (instead of the comments on social media), I realized the only difference between what Nicki did and what I do is that her singing her praises to God is publicized because of her status whereas mine as just in my church or home.  At the end of the day, she, you and I are all sinful by design as the Bible says we were born into sin and shaped into iniquity (Psalm 51:5).

What’s her relationship like to Christ? I don’t know.

Why did Tasha want her on the record? I don’t know.

And who knows, maybe there are people out there who follow Nicki and who are dead in their sin and will listen to this track and hear something that resonates with their spirit whether from Nicki or Tasha and want to be saved. I. Don’t. Know.

You don’t know. None of us do.  But the good thing about God being God and me recognizing that I am NOT God, is that I don’t have to know – that’s between her and Christ.  And it’s time that we – Christians, believers, religious, spiritual or whatever classification you fall under – learn to walk in our place and let God reign in his!

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It’s God’s place to pass judgment. Not ours.  So why don’t we start by learning to judge less.

What do you think? Have you heard the song? What is your take on it?  Please include that in the comments section and let me know. As always, be sure you have subscribed to my website at www.only1v.com and are following me on social media @only1lady_v.  Muah!

~Videllia

 

You Were Created for…NOW!

“And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this.” ~Esther 4:14

YOU WERE CREATED FOR NOW!

Recently, I was asked by a fellow entrepreneur what value do I feel that I am adding as an entrepreneur. I paused. Reflected.  Then I told her the truth.

“I don’t really see myself as an entrepreneur. I’m not offering a product or service.”

Then she reminded me that my blog IS my product to the world.  And she was right.  All of my life, I grew up with the hopes of inspiring and empowering others.  I’ve prayed for a platform where God can use my many life struggles to help someone else out there who may be going through a few of their own.  And then once he had given me this platform (i.e. my blog), I became scared and started doubting what he created me for.

He created me for NOW.

He created me for such a time as this.

God has equipped me with everything that I need to be able to empower and inspire you all.  And while I don’t know everything, I know that he has brought me into this position for such a time as this.

And he is doing the same for you!

Are you second-guessing where God is taking you? Perhaps he’s pushing you out of your comfort zone? He may be pushing you to quit your job and go into business for yourself full-time, start your not-for-profit organization, join a ministry, or even to leave a bad relationship in preparation for a new relationship. No matter what it is, trust in God’s process and trust that HE has created you for such a time as this!!!

~Videllia

It Ain’t Over…

postBecause someone else needs to hear this too…

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says, “we are afflicted in every way but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed.” I’m meditating on this scripture tonight because life has just been throwing me lots of curve balls. I find myself crying to God, wanting to give up and not understanding the plan he has for me or the journey he has me going through. The “why me” Lord question pops in my head almost daily. And I’m so used to being a positive, strong person that I don’t really allow others to know how I feel.

But you know what God doesn’t need anyone else to relay a message to you. He knows how to do that through his word. If you’ve been feeling down about some of life’s curveballs that have been thrown at you, perhaps you should join me in meditating on this scripture. Remember, God never puts more on you than you can bear. He definitely has a plan for you and his plan says he is not done with you yet. Whatever this is, whatever you’re going through-this won’t break you. Why? Because it ain’t over until God says it’s over! #Goodnight

Dating…Not So Fast

In April 2016, I decided to take a no-dating fast since my friends were all concerned about my love life, or rather, lack thereof.

“You just don’t seem as excited about love anymore.”

“We’re concerned that you’ve gotten too comfortable being single. Don’t you still want to get married one day?”

While my friends meant well, they were actually pretty annoying (still love y’all!). I had finally gotten to a place in life where I was content dating Videllia. Who cares if I wasn’t actively searching for love anymore? I no longer spent my Friday nights worried about what “he” was doing, who “he” was with, or if “he” was thinking about me. I now only worried about what happy hour spot to visit, what to wear and how to do my hair. I was falling in love with Videllia – the one person I had neglected loving through all of my years of dating.

Still, my friends saw a shift in my attitude. But so what? I was tired of making poor choices in men only to have to constantly pick up the pieces of my heart.

 So, asking God to reveal anything within me that needed deliverance, I began my no-dating fast.

Isn’t it amazing how God will knock you off of your high horse to reveal that you are still the same broken and fragile person who needs him more than ever? In my devotional, “Pray While You Prey for Singles Part III,” the author wrote that she was no longer confident in her ability to choose a good man. She constantly feared that she would find herself in another situation where she was heartbroken so she didn’t put herself in a position to “choose” – she wouldn’t date. She had given herself so much power to make the decisions for her dating life that she had become paralyzed by her own fear.

How could it be that this woman knew EXACTLY how I felt? Sure, I’ve been smiling brighter and more boldly on the outside but when I got in bed each night, the tears still flowed.  The desire to be desired still existed.  The longing to be held and share my life with someone was still prevalent. I was content in being single – that much was true. However, what I didn’t realize, was that I had become paralyzed in my own contentment.

I had taken myself off of the dating scene not just because I wanted to be whole in Christ but because I was AFRAID TO DATE.

Afraid of being hurt and choosing another man who would hurt me and I worked too darn hard to heal from my past struggles to risk going through it again.

And that’s when it hit me. All of that power should not be placed on a man to fill my heart or on me to choose the right man. Instead, that power should have been given to God.

Does this sound like you? Perhaps, you have also become paralyzed by your own fear of making another “wrong” decision. Today, I want to encourage you to give that power of choice back to God.  That responsibility is too great for our sinful, fleshly natures to handle alone.  It is God that will bring you healing, restore your confidence and deliver that man for you.

You can’t allow your fear of being hurt to paralyze and cripple you into never stepping back out there.  Release it all to God and watch how he comes in and protects you on your single journey.

For my protection, God has allowed certain men to walk out of my life when I wanted them to stay because he knew they would be toxic for me. In hindsight, He was absolutely right! (Can I get an AMEN for closed doors?!)

Our God will do the same for you. Once you release all power to him, he will not only guide you through your singleness but he will protect your heart as well.

That is why it’s imperative that we make Christ the center of our hearts so that a man must seek HIM first in order to find us!

Let me pray for you…

“Lord we relinquish and release all power to you. Only you know what’s best for us. You know the desires of our hearts and only you can bless us with an exceeding and abundant overflow of love. Help us not to be paralyzed by our own fears anymore. Amen.”

-Videllia