Dating…Not So Fast

In April 2016, I decided to take a no-dating fast since my friends were all concerned about my love life, or rather, lack thereof.

“You just don’t seem as excited about love anymore.”

“We’re concerned that you’ve gotten too comfortable being single. Don’t you still want to get married one day?”

While my friends meant well, they were actually pretty annoying (still love y’all!). I had finally gotten to a place in life where I was content dating Videllia. Who cares if I wasn’t actively searching for love anymore? I no longer spent my Friday nights worried about what “he” was doing, who “he” was with, or if “he” was thinking about me. I now only worried about what happy hour spot to visit, what to wear and how to do my hair. I was falling in love with Videllia – the one person I had neglected loving through all of my years of dating.

Still, my friends saw a shift in my attitude. But so what? I was tired of making poor choices in men only to have to constantly pick up the pieces of my heart.

 So, asking God to reveal anything within me that needed deliverance, I began my no-dating fast.

Isn’t it amazing how God will knock you off of your high horse to reveal that you are still the same broken and fragile person who needs him more than ever? In my devotional, “Pray While You Prey for Singles Part III,” the author wrote that she was no longer confident in her ability to choose a good man. She constantly feared that she would find herself in another situation where she was heartbroken so she didn’t put herself in a position to “choose” – she wouldn’t date. She had given herself so much power to make the decisions for her dating life that she had become paralyzed by her own fear.

How could it be that this woman knew EXACTLY how I felt? Sure, I’ve been smiling brighter and more boldly on the outside but when I got in bed each night, the tears still flowed.  The desire to be desired still existed.  The longing to be held and share my life with someone was still prevalent. I was content in being single – that much was true. However, what I didn’t realize, was that I had become paralyzed in my own contentment.

I had taken myself off of the dating scene not just because I wanted to be whole in Christ but because I was AFRAID TO DATE.

Afraid of being hurt and choosing another man who would hurt me and I worked too darn hard to heal from my past struggles to risk going through it again.

And that’s when it hit me. All of that power should not be placed on a man to fill my heart or on me to choose the right man. Instead, that power should have been given to God.

Does this sound like you? Perhaps, you have also become paralyzed by your own fear of making another “wrong” decision. Today, I want to encourage you to give that power of choice back to God.  That responsibility is too great for our sinful, fleshly natures to handle alone.  It is God that will bring you healing, restore your confidence and deliver that man for you.

You can’t allow your fear of being hurt to paralyze and cripple you into never stepping back out there.  Release it all to God and watch how he comes in and protects you on your single journey.

For my protection, God has allowed certain men to walk out of my life when I wanted them to stay because he knew they would be toxic for me. In hindsight, He was absolutely right! (Can I get an AMEN for closed doors?!)

Our God will do the same for you. Once you release all power to him, he will not only guide you through your singleness but he will protect your heart as well.

That is why it’s imperative that we make Christ the center of our hearts so that a man must seek HIM first in order to find us!

Let me pray for you…

“Lord we relinquish and release all power to you. Only you know what’s best for us. You know the desires of our hearts and only you can bless us with an exceeding and abundant overflow of love. Help us not to be paralyzed by our own fears anymore. Amen.”

-Videllia

Why I Don’t “Netflix and Chill”

I’m 28. Single. Woman of God. Believer in the Christian faith. But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!

Now before some of you say, “yeah right”, “she lying”, or something similar, let me stop you in your tracks and explain.

To say that I’ve never “Netflix’d and chilled” would be a lie out of the pit of hell. Haha. “My name is Videllia and I am a recovering Netflix and chill addict.” Okay, I’m not really an addict but I have done it before on a couple of occasions. And I’m not going to lie to you, during the times that I did it, I actually enjoyed it. I mean, let’s be honest. It felt nice to lay on the couch and cuddle with somebody even if for a moment. That was the extent of my Netflix and chill rendezvous (though I know some of ya’lls Netflix and chill nights end up turning into something more…it’s all good, no judgment here haha ).

fusion.net Netflix
Courtesy of fusion.net

So yes, I have done the Netflix and chill before, however, as I’ve taken myself off of the dating circuit this past year and have started working on me (which most of us actually don’t take the time to do), I realized that I am a woman worth more than that. No, fellas, I’m not saying you have to spend an arm and a leg to get at me (though the Bible does say I am worth more than rubies so don’t you forget that lol). What I am saying is that because I now know and realize my worth, I know that I’m a woman who deserves effort. I deserve courtship. I deserve a man who is intentional about his feelings and where he sees this going.  I deserve more than a drive by date where you get to enjoy spending those intimate moments with me and then you leave to go spend the same (if not more) intimate moments with someone else.  I deserve more than what you would offer some basic chick because I’m not basic. *Shrugs*

So, no.  I don’t Netflix and chill…anymore (not unless this is a man that I’ve been consistently dating, or in a relationship with, and even then, I still set boundaries which always consist of the man leaving at a certain time.  There are no Netflix, chill and sleepovers occurring even with a guy I’m regularly dating).  Ladies, when you finally wake up and realize your worth for yourself, you will discover that the things that used to appeal to you no longer live up to your standards. That’s what happened to me a year or so ago and I want to encourage you to take the same journey. Continue reading “Why I Don’t “Netflix and Chill””

One and Only

Can I be your one and only?

The one you can always depend on.

I’ll be your number one cheerleader,

From sundown to breaking dawn.

 

Can I be your one and only?

The one you long for.

Whenever you’re feeling lonely,

Baby I’ll come – look I’m here – knocking at your door.

 

Can I be your one and only?

The one that relieves all your stress.

A massage? Dinner? No problem!

I’ll do my very best.

 

Can I be your one and only?

Even when you’re miles away.

Your morning, noon and night;

The brightest part of all your days.

 

Can I be your one and only?

The one you are proud to show your friends.

And who you know in your heart,

Will be your ride or die until the end.

 

Can I be your one and only?

Your one true queen.

Treating you with the respect and love you deserve,

Fitting for you, my King.

 

Can I be your one and only?

Wait, I think it finally hit me.

More than anything I now know that

I just want to be your one and only.

 

© Videllia Davis, 2016

Uber Fun

I’m 27. Single. Woman of God. Believer in the Christian faith. But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!

Haha looks like we’re back! More of my crazy funny dating stories.  You missed those right? Yes I know but I’ve been taking a break from the dating scene lately.  Unfortunately, it looks like no matter whether I take a break or not, these crazy stories still seem to find their way into my life…

…Let’s begin shall we.  Here’s a quick story that happened to me literally two days ago.  It’s a tale that I call, “Uber Fun”.

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So I took a random trip to Vegas this past Sunday. My best friend and I had some time off so we were like let’s just do it.  Take a trip and live it up. And live it up we did haha.

I land back in town Wednesday night around 10:30 p.m. I’m beyond exhausted and just ready to get home. I parked my car at my friend’s house who stayed about 15 minutes away from the airport.  She had dropped me off Sunday morning but since my flight got in late, I decided to take an Uber to her house instead.

I download the Uber app and request a pickup.  The driver had 4.5 stars.  Perfect, I thought. This should be a smooth ride.

The driver arrives at the airport and helps me load my bags into his trunk. I thank him and our journey begins.  He asks me about my trip and where I was coming from.  I wasn’t really in the mood for small talk since it had been a long day of traveling but hey, he is driving with my life in his hands and I am a female and it’s late so I decide to indulge.  I tell him I just came from Vegas for vacation.  He mentions he never has been there and would like to go one day. I encourage him to do so.

The conversation then shifts from Vegas to careers.  I discuss how I’m an accountant and how I went to The University of Texas at Austin.  He proceeds to tell me about his major in biochemistry and how he just came over from Nigeria a few years ago.  He really does all the talking as again I’m exhausted from all day traveling and only half-listening. I offer an occasional yes and nod of my head as I stare out the window ready to get to my car.

Once we pull up to my car a little after 11p.m., I ask that he pop his trunk and I grab my things and walk to my car. I notice that he stares at me the entire time, intently.  In fact, I began to feel a little uncomfortable.  It was already late at night and there were no other cars on the road – just me and this driver so I hurried to gather the rest of my things so that I could rush to my car. Once I get to my car, I notice he hadn’t yet pulled off so I wait for a minute or so until he finally pulls off.  Once he did, I start my car, and begin my 20 minute journey home.

I get home and notice I have an email. I check my email and there were two from Uber.  Why in the heck is Uber emailing me? I open up the emails (both sent within 3 minutes of each other) and notice that the driver sent a notification that I had left something in his car. Instantly, I call his number (as the driver’s direct number was included within the email). I didn’t even think to block my number because I was just trying to get my things back.

He didn’t answer.

Shortly after, I get a call back and I state that I received a notification that I had left something in his car. He asks was I the woman he had picked up from the airport and I said yes.

He proceeds to tell me that I actually did NOT leave anything in his car.  Wait, I’m confused – what? I asked him again so you’re saying I didn’t leave anything in your car.  He says yes and admits that he only sent the notification so that he could have my real telephone number. He tells me that he enjoys talking to me (though I don’t know why because I barely said much of anything to him) and that he wanted to get my number to ask if we could continue talking sometime and if he could take me out.

I kindly told him no thank you and that was the end of that call.

I posted a status on my Facebook shortly thereafter about whether or not to report this guy and I received mixed reviews.  Many of my friends thought that I should be flattered and perhaps he was just shy and that this was just his shy attempt of asking me out.  Still, quite a few of my friends agreed with me that this was unprofessional and I should report him to Uber because this situation could’ve easily turned dangerous for me very quickly and could be dangerous for someone else in the future. And one friend even mentioned he does not know how I keep finding myself in these situations but that it would make for a great writing story (hence why you all are reading this post lol).

Either way, one thing’s for certain…I will never take an Uber late at night again by myself…

~V.Davis

“Closure” is Overrated!

“Closure is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are too afraid to let go” ~V.Davis

So the year was 2015 and I ended a situation with a guy.  Discovered he had a whole relationship going on with someone else (smh lol).  I called my cousin to tell her what happened and she asked me did I get a chance to ask him the questions that I wanted? Did I get a chance to get closure?

Sure I wanted to know how long he had been with her, when did it start, why did he start talking to me in the first place, and why didn’t he respect me or her but what good would any of those answers do?  It wouldn’t change the fact that he was with her right now, in this very moment.

So I told my cousin the following statement:  “closure” is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are still too afraid to let something or someone go.

closure 3

And I wasn’t afraid.  Over the years, I had learned my true value, worth and identity in Christ.  Therefore, I loved myself more than I liked this guy so I chose to end it.  (That and the fact that I didn’t need any other woman trying to come attack me because her man was being trifling lol).  I  mean yeah I had a ton of “what-ifs” and “how-could-you-do-this-to-me” type of questions but the answers to those questions wouldn’t change the fact that I still needed to end it (lest I lived life as a side chick and I am far too worthy to be anyone’s side chick! If you didn’t know, you better ask somebody!).

You see, I don’t allow myself (anymore) to get caught up in this idea of “closure”.  I’ve taught myself how to let go of people and things without feeling the need to go through this arbitrary process that will still only leave me clinging and holding on to something/someone who isn’t good for me.

I mean think about it. How many people do you know have ended something with someone and they are like I need closure? And so to get that closure, they go to great lengths to try to see that person one more time or call them one more time.  Child please!  The only thing that seeing or talking to that person one more time does is just create more questions for you.

Continue reading ““Closure” is Overrated!”

Repeat Offender

I’m 27. Single. Woman of God. Believer in the Christian faith. But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!

(courtesy of Google)
(courtesy of Google)

When I was trying to think about what to write about this week, I knew that I didn’t want to write about anything too serious. I’ve been in a happy, good, silly, fun mood this week, so I decided it was time to share another one of my silly, crazy dating stories that happened this year. So here goes (haha)…

At the end of 2014, I ran into this gentleman. I was coming out of a building and he was going in. He literally stopped me in my tracks and told me how beautiful he thought I was.

Well isn’t that refreshing? I thought to myself. He didn’t make any sexual innuendos about my lips as big and full as they care, didn’t call me shawty, baby, or any of those other ridiculous names men feel way too comfortable calling women they barely met. He actually seems like a gentleman.

He proceeded to ask me if I was single for which I told him yes. So he asked could he get my number so he could take me out sometime. Why not?. I thought.

I gave him my number and went on about my day. Later that night he hit me up. It actually caught me off guard. I’m used to men waiting a little while before hitting me up but hey, maybe he’s just a man who knows what he wants! So I didn’t let it bother me and continued to go with the flow.

He asked to take me to dinner. I said, when. He said tonight. I told him I had plans that night already (had church). So he was willing to take a rain check.

In the days to follow, our conversations become more relationship-focused than getting to know each other. He was a little older than me (33 vs my 27) and he seemed to be ready to settle down and was looking for a wife, like NOW. Now that’s all fine and dandy – I too want to get married one day-but in the first week that I meet you?! Surely, you can’t possibly know I’m the one that soon?!

Idk. Maybe he felt some kind of way. I don’t know. All I know is all this wedding talk and wanting me to be his woman and stuff after only one week had me feeling like he and I weren’t on the same page at all. I’m the kind of woman who wants to take my time and get to know you first. I’ve made too many relationship mistakes where I rushed into things. I don’t want to rush anymore. But he was adamant about us being an “item” about us being a couple.  I’m like slow down bruh, I’ve only known you for a week! So I politely told him that I think we are in 2 different places in life and perhaps I’m not what he’s looking for now.

I deleted his number after that and kept it moving…

Continue reading “Repeat Offender”