3 Toxic Statements to Stop Saying to Our Women

Hey loves! Today we are talking about a few toxic statements that men say to and about women. Let’s get right into it.

You’re too emotional.

Women hate this. Like, H-A-T-E this. Saying a woman is too emotional makes her feel like her emotions and thoughts  don’t matter or like you are trying to diminish her feelings. Don’t be so quick to write her or her feelings off. Even if you don’t agree with her emotions, try hearing her out and seek to understand how she feels. 

If you love me, you will…

Stop using love to manipulate women into doing things you want them to do. Yes, love requires sacrifice and compromise (in a healthy relationship) but trying to convince a woman to do things she doesn’t want to do in the name of love is not only toxic but it’s manipulative, selfish and controlling. If you find that you all don’t share the same values, then move on and find someone who does. However, do not try to manipulate her into getting your way by appealing to her heart strings. This ain’t Burger King so you don’t always get to have it your way.

All women are the same.

Fellas be careful not to classify all women into one category. Just like you don’t want to be lumped into one category, neither do our women. Stop assuming they are like your ex or the last woman that hurt you. More importantly, if you really believe all women are the same, why do you keep dating them?

3 Toxic Statements to Stop Saying to Our Men

Hey loves! Today we are talking aboit a few toxic statements that women say to and about men. Let’s get right into it.

You’re not a real man unless you…

Women are quick to base a man’s manhood on some kind of conditional statement. You’re not a real man unless you make XX amount of money. You’re not a real man unless you pay all my bills. And so forth. STOP IT! A man’s worth, value and identity as a real man is not based on your conditions but God’s conditions. Learn the power of your tongue and be careful of the words you say to your man.

All men are dogs.

Ladies be careful not to classify all men into one category. Just like you don’t want to be lumped into one category, neither do our men. Stop assuming they are like your ex and if you really believe all men are dogs, why do you keep dating them?

Man up!

Whether you are referring to them showing emotion or something else, this is a sure way to diminish and belittle that man. We have to move away from this stigma that men can’t show emotion or that any sign of emotion is considered a weakness. That is why we have so many depressed men, etc. because our society doesn’t encourage men to express themselves or when they do, we call them “weak”. Imagine how different this world could be if men could truly be vulnerable without fear.

I Deserve the King of Wakanda

Hey loves, it’s Videllia. Your favorite relationship and motivational blogger and I’m back with another blog post called “I Deserve the King of Wakanda” and so do you.  You can listen to the podcast below or keep scrolling to read the full post.


Full Post:


I love the movie Black Panther. I saw it 3 times in theaters, once on an airplane and plan to buy the DVD lol. What I loved outside of the amazing storyline, great acting and eye candy was the way T’Challa treated the women in the movie, specifically Nakia.

For those that don’t know, in the storyline Nakia can be seen pursuing her own dreams of saving people while T’challa pursues her. Not only does he pursue her but he protects her. Not only does he protect her but he wants to provide for her. Not only does he provide for her but you can see how he loves and cherishes her. How he respects and admires her dreams and her vision for the world. Not only does he cherish her but you can see he makes her aware of his intentions. He hints at her being the Queen in Wakanda and to me their love relationship was so cute.


While it is fictional of course being based on fictional characters it really got me to thinking – I deserve the King of Wakanda. I deserve a T’challa. No not in the sense of I need a man to be able to transform into some amazing super hero and kick butt all across the world but in the sense of everything he stood for.

I deserve a man who pursues me.

I deserve a man who protects me.

I deserve a man who wants to provide for me (as I want to provide for him).

I deserve a man who loves and cherishes me, who respects and admires me and my dreams. Who will support me in my dreams and figure out ways to help me pursue those things just as T’Challa supported Nakia.

I deserve a man who makes his intentions known – who let’s me know that I’m the one he wants and the one he wants to be with.

And sis, I’m here to tell you, that you do too! We deserve the King of Wakanda. We deserve a king. Now we can fight over which one we get, you can take T’Challa and I can take Killmonger (he was a King for a little bit there lol) No but in all seriousness, I’m here to encourage you to start believing that you deserve better than what you’ve been getting from these lames out here. If that man isn’t pursuing you with intention, isn’t protecting your heart, not showing you the love of God or treating you according to your worth, then that man just may not be the King God has designed for you.

You have to learn to be strong enough to wait for God’s best. I believe that there is a man out there who was specifically designed just for you and you need to stay encouraged. Your King is coming! Wakanda Forever.

Alright Queens, I hope that encourages you! And as always, be sure to like, comment, subscribe and share with a friend! Together, let’s empower one another to be Queens.


You’re Not Too Old

You can listen to this post as a podcast or you can read it in full. Both are included below.


Hey Queens!

As a newly single Queen (again), I’ve been spending a lot of time pausing and reflecting on my past relationship. His mistakes as well as mine. Red flags that I may have ignored. Feelings that I have now that I’m free of the relationship.

But most importantly, I’ve been focusing on surrounding myself with positive affirmations. At 30 years old, this is not my first rodeo lol. This is not my first breakup. Hell, this isn’t my second, third or fourth breakup. Yes I’ve had my share of tears and sad moments but I’ve been here before and I’ve seen God bring me through. After taking some time to cry it out, talk it out and write it out, I decided the best course of action was to focus on the positivity around me and the blessings God has for me. In doing so, I’ve been spending a lot of time in God’s word so that he can remind me of the promises he has for me. You know sometimes when we go through a breakup, our minds tend to focus on negative statements. Things like:

  • Oh look, you just had another failed relationship.
  • This breakup was all my fault. What did I do wrong?
  • Why wasn’t I good enough?
  • You know you’re getting older right? You better find someone soon because you’re running out of time.

Yes, even I had these same thoughts immediately after my relationship and with each passing day God has reminded me of his promises. In all transparency, one of the biggest things I’ve struggled with lately is this idea that I’m getting too old. I must admit at 30 years old, single with no kids, I have had those thoughts like Lord my biological clock is ticking or Lord when is it going to be my time? I sometimes even get discouraged when looking at friends or family members who are married with children, who seem to just be enjoying this new season of life that I can’t even relate to or understand. But in her devotional “Thrive” by Lina Abujamra, she states that one of the most destructive lies single Christians can believe is that we’re too old: too old to marry, too old to date, and too old to thrive. She reminded me that “when it comes to God and his plans for our lives, the truth is as long as we are still breathing we are never too old”!

Wow. So . I’m not too old for God to bring his promises to fruition in my life? You darn right I’m not and NEITHER ARE YOU!

I know being a single King or Queen on this journey of stillness and waiting on God to bring you his best is tough! I’m living it right along with you. It’s very easy to get discouraged on this journey and to feel like you are running out of time to get the desires of your heart – and that extends beyond relationships. Maybe you feel like you’re too old to go to school or to pursue a dream that you’ve always wanted. Well, regardless if it’s love or life, you’re not too old for God to give you the breakthrough you’ve been praying for or for him to give you the desires of your heart. God’s timing is and will always be perfect. We cannot see it right now because we are looking through our fleshly colored glasses – you know the ones full of loneliness and despair – but God knows ultimately what’s best for us. Don’t give up and don’t give in to the negativity that the enemy tries to put in your mind. Don’t believe those negative thoughts that you aren’t good enough, that something is wrong with you or most importantly, that you are running out of time. God holds all power in his hands and he is able to do far more than we could ever ask or think. Our job is to continue to have hope and faith that his promises will be fulfilled in our lives.

I don’t know about you but I’ve been through far too much heartache to give up on God now. If he could give Abraham a son at 100, he can do it for me. If he could have Moses lead the Israelites to freedom at 80, he can do it for me. We don’t even hear much about Jesus and his ministry until he reaches the age 30. So if God can do it for all of these people at various stages of life I know he can do it for this thirty-year old flyy single Queen named Videllia. And I know he can do it for you too!

Stay encouraged loves!


“When to invest time in someone”

Hey loves!

Have you ever wondered when you should invest time and energy into someone? I know I have. A lot of people wonder this same thing because we often find ourselves feeling like we’ve wasted time on someone who wasn’t worthy of it.

Well, my advice is to have an open conversation with the person you’re dating. Ask him/her what their intentions are and where they see things going. Hear the response but most importantly, make sure you pay attention to their actions! If a person says one thing but shows you something different with their actions, you may not want to invest your time or energy.

Check out my full video response to this question on my Relationship T.E.A. segment by clicking the YouTube link below. 

And if you have any dating questions that you want advice on, feel free to just reply to this email and I’ll post a video response for you too!  ~Videllia