In April 2016, I decided to take a no-dating fast since my friends were all concerned about my love life, or rather, lack thereof.
“You just don’t seem as excited about love anymore.”
“We’re concerned that you’ve gotten too comfortable being single. Don’t you still want to get married one day?”
While my friends meant well, they were actually pretty annoying (still love y’all!). I had finally gotten to a place in life where I was content dating Videllia. Who cares if I wasn’t actively searching for love anymore? I no longer spent my Friday nights worried about what “he” was doing, who “he” was with, or if “he” was thinking about me. I now only worried about what happy hour spot to visit, what to wear and how to do my hair. I was falling in love with Videllia – the one person I had neglected loving through all of my years of dating.
Still, my friends saw a shift in my attitude. But so what? I was tired of making poor choices in men only to have to constantly pick up the pieces of my heart.
So, asking God to reveal anything within me that needed deliverance, I began my no-dating fast.
Isn’t it amazing how God will knock you off of your high horse to reveal that you are still the same broken and fragile person who needs him more than ever? In my devotional, “Pray While You Prey for Singles Part III,” the author wrote that she was no longer confident in her ability to choose a good man. She constantly feared that she would find herself in another situation where she was heartbroken so she didn’t put herself in a position to “choose” – she wouldn’t date. She had given herself so much power to make the decisions for her dating life that she had become paralyzed by her own fear.
How could it be that this woman knew EXACTLY how I felt? Sure, I’ve been smiling brighter and more boldly on the outside but when I got in bed each night, the tears still flowed. The desire to be desired still existed. The longing to be held and share my life with someone was still prevalent. I was content in being single – that much was true. However, what I didn’t realize, was that I had become paralyzed in my own contentment.
I had taken myself off of the dating scene not just because I wanted to be whole in Christ but because I was AFRAID TO DATE.
Afraid of being hurt and choosing another man who would hurt me and I worked too darn hard to heal from my past struggles to risk going through it again.
And that’s when it hit me. All of that power should not be placed on a man to fill my heart or on me to choose the right man. Instead, that power should have been given to God.
Does this sound like you? Perhaps, you have also become paralyzed by your own fear of making another “wrong” decision. Today, I want to encourage you to give that power of choice back to God. That responsibility is too great for our sinful, fleshly natures to handle alone. It is God that will bring you healing, restore your confidence and deliver that man for you.
You can’t allow your fear of being hurt to paralyze and cripple you into never stepping back out there. Release it all to God and watch how he comes in and protects you on your single journey.
For my protection, God has allowed certain men to walk out of my life when I wanted them to stay because he knew they would be toxic for me. In hindsight, He was absolutely right! (Can I get an AMEN for closed doors?!)
Our God will do the same for you. Once you release all power to him, he will not only guide you through your singleness but he will protect your heart as well.
That is why it’s imperative that we make Christ the center of our hearts so that a man must seek HIM first in order to find us!
Let me pray for you…
“Lord we relinquish and release all power to you. Only you know what’s best for us. You know the desires of our hearts and only you can bless us with an exceeding and abundant overflow of love. Help us not to be paralyzed by our own fears anymore. Amen.”
8 thoughts on “Dating…Not So Fast”
Awesome, I felt like I was reading everything about me
Aww thanks Aunt Kim! I’m glad you enjoyed.
This is a powerful thought that we allow ourselves to become paralyzed because of fear of getting hurt again. Trusting God provide for us relationally is the best decision one can make for their lives.
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I agree with you so much and that is what I have learned/am learning to do! Thanks for reading love!
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Awww, V I annoy you lol. But good post sis. It’s definitely a stage that many women go through and can relate to on a daily.
Lol as long as you know this was about you and Anthony! Lol. But thanks! Had it not been for yall annoying me, I never would’ve discovered my own truth!
Thank you so much Tiffany and thanks for reading!
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