I’m 27. Single. Woman of God. Believer in the Christian faith. But the men I meet? Boy oh boy!!!
I mean I thought that as you got older, the dating scene would change. Boy was I ever wrong. Seems like the games only get more complicated, the lies more excessive and the drama more intensified. And the things some of these men say to me sometimes have me like whoa! From trying to convince me to have sex with them to showing me their fake bling or fanning their tax refunds in my face to make me think they have more money than they actually do (as though money is going to buy them a ticket into my pants). Yep, I’ve heard it all. But you know what? I’m learning that I could either be depressed and sad about my dating prospects or I can approach this dating scene and the “lames” I meet with a little laughter. I choose the latter. So grab you a drink and let’s get started with the crazy, funny, ridiculous stories about the “lames” and “not-so-lames” I meet in my new blog series: “Dating Chronicles – My Crazy Dating Life in 1000 Words or Less”.
Enter “Eddie” (oh yeah – disclaimer, I’ll be nice by not actually referring to these men by their real names lol).
I met Eddie last week while painting the town with my home-girl. He approaches me, says I’m beautiful and that he noticed me from across the room (I know, cliché, but hey, at least he didn’t call me “shawty” or “bae” like some others have). Anyway, he asks for my number. He appeared to be a gentleman so I bite and give it to him.
He puts my number in his phone and calls me. Once his number pops up, I hand him my phone to enter his name.
He types, “Eddie – Future Husband”. I looked at him. Um, now what now? Jumping the gun a little bit aren’t we? Nevertheless, I just say “nice meeting you” and proceed with the rest of my night.
I finally get home a few hours after meeting Eddie. My phone rings.
“I thought we were going to I-Hop”, Eddie says.
“Um, it’s 1a.m. in the morning”, I reply. “Plus, we never discussed I-Hop”.
“Well let’s go get I-Hop or I can bring the food to you, what side of town do you stay on?”
I literally look down at my phone. Really bro?! “Um, no thank you, I’m already in the bed and it’s late. Plus, I don’t really know you for you to be coming to my house, especially at 1 in the morning.”
He says okay and then asks if we can hang out tomorrow. I tell him I have a busy work schedule and then church afterwards. He then asks for a picture. I’m like, uh, really – I mean, it’s 1 a.m. Nonetheless, I go ahead and send him the last picture I had posted on Instagram.
Next thing I know he sends me two pictures of himself, including one of him with no shirt on!!! Now mind you, the picture I sent was a normal picture. I was cute, but clothed nonetheless. But the pic he sent me was angled so low that if he had moved it down another centimeter, I would’ve seen his penis!!! Ugh. Now most women may like this, but I’m not that kind of woman. If you’re sending me a pic with no shirt on, I already know where this is headed. I text him and tell him thanks but I don’t appreciate him sending that picture as I’m not trying to get physical with him (nor did I even ask for a picture of him in the first place!). He apologizes for offending me and starts calling me baby (ugh). Then he tells me that he is very picky when it comes to women. He doesn’t date women shorter than 5’6″ and prefers beautiful taller women (I’m 5’10”). He also tells me that when he saw me, he knew I was going to be his wife (um, when did Jesus tell you that ‘cuz he has yet to share that with me buddy). Still, wanting to be nice to him, I just chuckle and end the convo stating I need to get some rest.
Okay, now let’s pause and reflect on all the red flags that just happened here. First of all, fellas, when you meet a classy lady such as myself do not-
(a) Call her at 1 a.m. inviting her to I-Hop or asking to bring food over to her house . What kind of date needs to take place at 1a.m. anyway? And hell – I mean- heck naw you can’t come to my house. I don’t even know you!!!!
(b) Send her a photo of yourself with no shirt on, especially if she didn’t ask for one. Not every woman out here is looking to get laid and I dang sure ain’t about to have sex with you bro.
(c) Call her baby!!! (ugh I’m pretty sure my mama name is Pam so I’m def not your baby) and lastly,
(d) Tell her she’s the woman that’s going to be your wife. (Um, I barely know your last name boo boo, so let’s hold off on wifey status). If I told a guy he was going to be my husband on the first phone call, he’d probably think I was crazy. The same is true for women and sir, I think you’re crazy. I’m flattered but yeah…no.
I mean does this stuff really work on women? What happened to courtship and getting to know each other at decent hours? I guess it’s dying out. Or maybe I’m just a different breed of woman (shrugs).
I wish I could say the story ends here and that it doesn’t get worse. But it does. It really does…
Tune in next week for an update on Eddie, myself, and the sex life he tells me he just can’t live without…