(A Story about Abuse)
Mr. “Prince Charming”
Well, it finally happened. I had finally met a great guy! OMG! He was charming, smooth, handsome, and CHOCOLATE. He said and did all the right things to make me feel like a Queen. He even said he had a relationship with Christ-which was a huge turn on for me. Wow! Finally, a man that had it all.
Within a month he told me he loved me. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. One whole month? Hey, I’m just that good! (Haha) No-I thought it happened too fast too…but true love knows no time boundaries right? I mean here is this guy who loves me for me, flaws and all. Compared to my last relationship, I desperately wanted to feel loved. Was I a little insecure? You bet. But here was this man who gave me comfort in my insecurities. I thought he was perfect so I uttered the words “I Love You” right back to him…and we lived happily ever after…
Beauty vs. Beast
OR NOT! After a blissful ONE WHOLE MONTH of happiness, the monster in him came out. He began to curse me out and ridicule me for everything. He called me a lesbian since I didn’t want to have sex with him (I’m a Christian who practices celibacy and he knew that). He also expected me to buy his groceries, buy his dinner, cook his dinner, wash his dishes and do his laundry. He injured one of his hands (from fighting someone) and expected me to drive to his house every day after I got off work at 11 p.m. to wash his balls-literally. If I didn’t come bathe him, he would go days without taking a bath. (I guess he didn’t know how to use his other hand). Then, he STILL had the nerve to criticize the way I washed them. (I mean it’s not like I have a pair; I’m a woman!)
He isolated me from my friends, both male and female. He answered my phone, went through my purse, my closets and medicine cabinets to see if I was hiding something. He often publicly humiliated me on Facebook in order to make himself look like the victim.
I began to lose myself in him and his identity. He began to scare me so much that I looked into filing an order of protection. If I didn’t respond to a text message, check in or be talking to someone else on the phone when he called, he got upset. His anger kept getting worse and I began to fear he may put his hands on me. I even remember waking up one night to find him standing over me. Apparently, he had come in and put toothpaste and coffee beans on my mouth while I was asleep. He claimed he was just playing around.
So why didn’t I leave right? Trust me-I tried several times. I knew I deserved more but I was afraid of what he may do if I left. So, I began to pray more and read my bible faithfully. I sought advice from friends and spiritual advisors. Let me be the first to tell you that getting out of an abusive relationship is not easy. Especially when others don’t fully understand that ABUSE IS NOT ALWAYS PHYSICAL. Emotional abuse is something that’s often not publicized in our society but has the same impact as physical abuse. You lose yourself. Your health starts to suffer. You endure great pain until you finally get the strength to leave. And I had finally gotten my strength.
These are MY Thin Mints. Get Your Own!
I made a coward move. Broke up with him via text message. He was not pleased and asked me to meet up with him at his house. I refused. Then he told me his daughter had died and he needed me (which turned out to be lie). He then came to my house unannounced at 5 a.m. one morning. I kept hearing this loud noise against my window. I looked down and saw my ex throwing thin mints (which I paid for), at my window. Really dude? Thin mints? Those are my favorite Girl Scout cookies and he was wasting them! Ugh! Get your own thin mints! These are mine!
I admit-I did let him in my house so we could talk. I listened to his words-his promises of never hurting me again, etc. All the while I just kept staring at MY thin mints. That partially opened box of Girl Scout delight that contained valuable treasures on the inside. Treasures that I longed to have-longed to reclaim. Then, I realized something. Just as much as those thin mints contained treasures within- so did I. I was reminded of all the treasures and things in life that my abuser had taken/tried to take from me. My heart, happiness and tears. My time, love, and body. My self-worth, confidence, and life. In that moment, I knew I was done. I had FINALLY developed enough courage and strength within myself to say enough is enough. This is MY life and I am reclaiming it. So I kicked his butt right on out my house!
Get Free from YOUR Abusive Relationship!
If you are being abused, its time you TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. GET OUT NOW before it turns into something more violent. Emotional and verbal abuse is real and can happen to anyone! Trust me-I did not think that I would become the poster child for abuse. I thought that I was just being a good woman to her man-that ride or die chick. But here I am.
I got out by sending a text message but I don’t regret it one bit! I was afraid of being around him. Sometimes, you have to do whatever you have to do to free yourself from your abuser (provided it’s legal lol). You deserve to love, be loved and have your life back. You deserve happiness. You deserve the right to YOUR own treasures in life-your own “thin mints”. Yes, it will be hard. I felt ashamed, stupid and embarrassed that I allowed myself to endure all of that. It took me 5 months of therapy and lots of moral support from friends/family before I finally was able to let him go. It STILL hurts me sometimes. I’m even emotional as I write this.
But the key is I DID IT! And SO CAN YOU!
Today I’m happy and living my life the way I want to live it. I have a successful career at 26. I’m traveling and hanging out with friends. I’m much happier being single and without him than I ever was being with him. I am also much stronger, more stable in my faith, more confident in myself and value my life so much more. I’ve reclaimed my happiness, my laughter, my tears. I’ve taken back my heart, my emotions, my fears. I’ve taken back all of the treasures that my abuser once threw at me. Even to this day, my abuser still calls but I hit the straight up IGNORE button! I’ve reclaimed that power that he once had over me and it is such great feeling. I’ve finally taken back MY “thin mints”!
Inspiration for You
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed!” ~2 Corinthians 4:8-9
If you or someone you know is dealing with abuse and don’t know where to start, please reach out to me and together let’s stop domestic violence.
© Videllia Davis – “I Am Me”. All Rights Reserved.