November 17, 2016. I’ll never forget this day. It marked the first day that I had to have surgery. Ever. I’ve never had my tonsils removed, wisdom teeth taken out (though I know that’s coming) or anything. And now here I was. After having 4 months of health issues, I found myself at 29, finally having surgery because the doctors found something in my body that they wanted to make sure wasn’t cancerous.
The very thought that I could have cancer plagued me for weeks. I was stressed, depressed and highly emotional. I knew that something wasn’t right in my body for a couple of months but to finally hear what could be causing it was very hard. Having cancer has always been one of my biggest fears in life. It was a fear that seemed so distant at first but had now become increasingly prevalent. So, against all odds, I found myself walking into the hospital that morning, with my mom rubbing my back, crying hysterically at the fact that I was now about to have surgery.
November 21, 2016. This was another day I won’t forget. I was checking my email and saw that my doctor had sent me the lab results after removing everything from my body. I opened up the letter and it was confirmed – I HAD NO CANCER! Can I get a whoot whoot, shout, hallelujah and praise break all at the same time?!!!
Now, as the days have come and gone, I pause to reflect on that whole experience – one that was the greatest test of my faith by far in my entire life. During my reflection, God reminded me that sometimes he has to perform surgery on us to rid our bodies of things that are impure.
For me, it was this polyp that had formed in my body that the doctor wanted to test to ensure it was benign. But in God’s kingdom, there are other “polyps” that exist in our bodies-in our spirits-that (while not cancerous) are considered terminal in our walks with Christ.
These things include: fornication, lust, adultery, jealousy, anger, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, hatred, envy, gossip, pride, insecurities, self-doubt, lack of faith and the list goes on.
You see-while this experience was very hard for me to go through, I am so thankful that I was able to GROW through it. It not only taught me how to rely on my faith greater than I ever have before, but also taught me that there are some other “polyps” in my life that I needed God to remove from my spirit. I didn’t just need physical surgery. I needed God to also perform surgery on my sinful heart. I needed Him to remove all impure thoughts, insecurities, self-doubt, and resentment, to name a few.
What about you? What things does God need to remove from your spirit before it causes terminal detriment to your soul? Have there been some mistakes that you’ve made in your past that you don’t think God will forgive you for? Are these mistakes still haunting you today and causing your spirit to be heavy?
There’s a song by L. Spencer Smith & Testament that says:
“Lord I’ve messed up
Made mistakes in my day
But I’m grateful
You didn’t throw me away
You said you’d keep on
Working until you see
A return on, the investment, you made in me…
…I admit I need you to perform surgery on me.”
The great thing about God is that he has not thrown any of us away. Therefore, no matter what you are struggling with all you have to do is give it over to God. Whether it’s a past mistake, a current insecurity, anger, bitterness, etc. – release unto God all of those “polyps” that exist in your own spirit that’s caused your spiritual walk to waiver or your faith to falter. Continue to trust him and allow him to remove all things that are not of him from your spirit. Allow God to perform surgery on you and restore you back into the creation he’s always wanted you to be – fresh and anew!
3 thoughts on ““I Admit…I Need Surgery””
I admit I need heart surgery on a daily. The struggles, foolishness and sins of this life can take you by surprise. What I love about this blog is the reminder that we don’t have let the polyps grow. The Master Surgeon takes care of it all. We just have to be ready to remove what we’ve grown accustomed to having.
Amen sis! I love that you said we don’t have to let the polyps grow! So very true. The struggle becomes with being ready to remove what we’ve grown accustomed to having. But once we can release that, God can truly restore us! That’s what I learned through that whole process.