No Good woMEN

“So, what’s wrong with Joe?” I asked.

“Girl, I don’t know. I mean he’s a sweetheart. He opens my doors, he texts me and says good morning. He even has a relationship with Christ. He’s such a nice guy but it’s just not…happening.” Tasha said.

“What do you mean, not happening? He sounds like a good man. And you keep saying you want a good man”.

“I know but I don’t know…” she hesitated. “ He’s just not tall enough…

He’s not dark enough.

He doesn’t have any hair.

He has a beard.

He looks a little scruffy.

He doesn’t work out much.

He’s too light.

He doesn’t make a lot of money at his job.

His clothes look like he shops at Goodwill.

His teeth aren’t completely straight.

His car is 15 years old.

I mean I could go on girl…”

“Hmm, well let me ask you this, is he faithful and does he treat you like a queen?”

“Well, um, yes.”

“Exactly”

“Exactly-what?”

“Girl, you don’t have a problem meeting a good man. Your problem is that you are simply not ready for a good man.”

Pause. Reflect.

Now let’s talk about it.

I’m so tired of us as women bashing all men. We sit here and complain about how there are no good men, how all men are dogs, how all men cheat, how men don’t open doors, don’t take us out on dates, etc, but the truth of the matter is, men are not always the problem. Sometimes the problem is YOU. #YesISaidIt

It’s not always that you can’t meet a good man. It’s that when you do, you allow yourself to ex him out for some silly reason. He’s not tall enough? Really? So you rather be with a guy who’s 6’3” and cheats on you or hits you than be with one who is 5’9” and treats you like a queen?

Or, is this you: You finally meet a good guy but you’re so damaged from your last relationship that YOU put all of those negative emotions on that guy when he doesn’t deserve to pay for your ex’s mistakes.

Or, you could be this one: You finally meet a good guy but your single, always-gossiping girlfriends, who have no men of their own, have something negative to say about his appearance.

Or maybe this is you: You meet that good guy but your family tells you he doesn’t make enough money and he won’t be able to support you.

I mean, when are we women going to take some responsibility for our own actions in all of this? Yes, there are men out there who treat their women like crap, who cheat and act like dogs. And yes there are men out there who need to own up to how they treat women but today is not about them and their issues. We ALWAYS hear about what’s wrong with the men in the world but we don’t always talk about what’s wrong with us as women. It’s time for us to stop spreading these rumors that there are no good men. THE PROBLEM IS THAT SOMETIMES WHEN WE DO MEET A GOOD MAN, WE ARE SIMPLY NOT READY FOR THEM.

Now that’s not to say that every woman isn’t ready for a good man but there are more of us out there than you know. While some things may be a deal breaker, like having a relationship with Christ etc, there are more of us who begin to get picky about small things (like hair type, height, etc) because we are AFRAID to have someone love us as hard as we love. We are afraid to open our hearts up and let down some walls. We are afraid to believe that we deserve a good man.

So, how do we overcome this?

First, we need to learn to heal from those past relationships. You will NEVER be ready for a good man if you are still living under the impression that all men cheat, all men are dogs, all men will abuse you or whatever it is that your ex did to you. Let it go honey! And by letting it go, I don’t mean keep hopping from man to man, bed to bed, penis to penis to heal from your pain. Learn to actually DEAL WITH IT.

We must also learn to block out the outside influence. There’s a reason why your girlfriends are still single. They told you it’s because they love the single life right? Ha! Trust, it’s not always because they want to be single. They are so miserable with their own dating lives that they want to drag others down with them. IGNORE THEM! Let them be single and miserable on their own. Same goes for your family. This is YOUR life, not THEIRS. Learn to make your own choices and stop allowing your girlfriends and family members dictate who you should talk to.

Finally, we should think about the bigger picture. So what if this man has a bald head instead of a fade, if he’s 6 footer or a few inches shorter…if you keep ex-ing men for reasons like this, you may forever be alone. Ouch! The truth hurts doesn’t it?

Maybe I should just stop speaking about women as a whole and speak from my own experiences. I was one of those women. You know-afraid to meet a good man. Actually, if I’m totally honest, I have to admit that I still struggle with this. I’m the one that’s been through so much in my past relationships (abuse, finding out my ex was bisexual, rejection, cheating, etc) that I would put all of those emotions on anybody that I met. Finally, one of my male friends said to me, “you just aren’t ready for a good man”. This pissed me off! How dare him! But secretly I knew he was right. I had not prepared myself or my heart to be ready to meet a good man. I kept finding small things about men that I would use to justify myself in not talking to them anymore. Somehow, I actually became my own problem-standing in my own way of happiness. Yeah, the truth definitely does hurt.

To overcome this, I began the process of healing-a process I am still going through. I’m learning to change my mentality towards men. All men are not dogs-I unfortunately, just have had the worst luck picking the men I associated myself with. But again, that still doesn’t men all men are bad. I’m still single now but I am a woman who has taken responsibility for her actions and who has opened my heart and mind to be ready to meet that good man when God sees fit.

And just like I’m taking ownership, you need to do the same. Declare that you won’t be that kind of woman anymore. There ARE good men out there and they are waiting for you and me—waiting for us to get to that place in our hearts that we can accept them and love them just as much as they are willing to love us…